Monday, August 9, 2010

New Life Plan: I Sell You Something!

THIS IS THE SECOND PART of a two part post. But I finished this part first and I need the attention NOW! The drawing will make sense later.

If you , like me, happen to live in a place that was constructed solely to punish you with its ugly, uninhabitableness, you know that going outside is a daunting chore. Even in those times when the weather is pleasant* and despair has loosened its grip on your bones the gift of vision seems like, well, a burden!

Friends, I tell you no more! What if I told you that you could step out
side without bracing yourself against the harshness of light and perception? What if I told you that you could...oh I don't know, enjoy going outside? Enjoy the scenery, the ambiance?
Now I know what you're thinking, "But I can't leave, Rachel, this city has already consumed my soul. It owns me, forever!" All you nervous, soul-less Nellies can quit your yarning' because I'm not talking about moving! That's right, friends, I'm talking about enjoying the current city you live in right now. "Impossible!" You must be thinking, "Rachel can't understand the depth of the grotesqueness I call home if she thinks I can enjoy existing here." Hogwash! Let me tell you a little something about myself: I live in Tempe; I know what ugly is.

And that's precisely why I invented this unique, innovative product using technology
- so good folks like yourselves can enjoy bad places.

LifeVision Head Apparel

Complete you Summer Suit with a LifeVision hood! Each hood is guaranteed to fit over most heads therefore blocking out some of the sights and sounds of daily bleakness that surrounds you. But that's not the best part! Every hood is outfitted with an internal picture so the wearer can actually believe he or she is somewhere liveable. Get lost in:

Paris: The City of Love: In this style a very, very romantic drawing of Paris is hand-stapled to the inside of each hood.
Breezy Oceanside: You can almost smell the sea water while gazing into this ocean scene. Or something that smells like dead fish**

Anywhere but Here: These LifeVision hoods are left blank giving you the opportunity to imagine your very own settings! Perhaps that ranting crack addict is the local fruit vendor in a Tuscan Village. That pesky broken glass you're stepping on? Crisp, fallen leaves in a restful, alpine valley. Hear those blaring, ambulance sirens? Of course not, because all you hear is the bells of Notre Dame.With Anywhere But Here hoods, you can LITERALLY pretend to be anywhere better, which is anywhere else. And if you don't have a good imagination? Well, then you can take comfort in knowing the horizon is one less thing you'll have to face today.

*In Tempe, this excludes the months from April through November

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